GCN's eight worst things to say to a cyclist

As a group, us cyclists can be a funny old bunch. We like to hear bizarre compliments about how smooth our legs look and how clean our chains are, but equally there are some pretty innocuous things you can say that will put a cyclist's nose out of joint.

From comments about your bike fit to saying no to a coffee stop, here are some of the things Manon Lloyd and Conor Dunne reckon all cyclists hate hearing.

Read more: 10 types of cyclists we all know

Commenting on bike fit

Unless someone specifically asks for your opinion on the fit of their bike, or you think it is so extremely wrong that it is going to cause damage or pain, it is best to let them be. There is no better way to ruin someone's ride than telling them that their saddle height looks a little bit low or that their stem looks too long.

© GCN

Telling someone that their bike doesn't look quite right is a surefire way to ruin the ride for them

Informing a rider of this will cause the greatest sense of bike fit paranoia imaginable, making them doubt everything they thought they knew about cycling and themselves. For the sake of that rider's sanity, if you spot anything like this, it's usually best to just keep it to yourself.

Throwing the term ‘only’ in front of anything

For such a small word, ‘only’ has the power to put the back of any rider up and ignite the fury within them. Although it can be used to try and diminish what is coming in an attempt to keep the riders positive and feel like the challenge is achievable, most riders will not hear it this way.

By throwing the term ‘only’ in front of anything it makes it seem like to you it is no big deal and other riders should see it that way too. If someone is struggling and on their limit, to hear someone chime in with "there's only 40km left!" is enough to boil their blood.

Lying about the route of a ride

Now this often is done with good and honest intentions in mind, and sometimes this will have the desired effect for two, maybe three hills at most. If you know the route and confidently tell someone that there is only one more hill or only half an hour more to go and in fact you have got three mountain passes and another four hours left, you are almost certainly going to mentally crack the other rider. Getting them to pace their effort with incorrect information is a surefire way for them to explode and for you to never get asked to plan a ride ever again.

The patronising check-in

Checking in with a fellow rider when out on an epic ride can be very considerate and endearing, making sure they are eating and drinking enough and working out the best strategy for the both of you. That isn’t what we are talking about here, though. Instead we mean the loaded check-in, saying things unprovoked like "are you feeling okay?" whilst riding up a hill or asking if they are "getting enough recovery". These flippant remarks will have you riding on your own in no time with everyone thinking you have a superiority complex, so it's best to be avoided.

The surprise attack

Us cyclists are a friendly bunch and never is that clearer than when out on the roads meeting other riders, offering either a cheeky wave to those coming the other way or a brief chat to another rider that you come across on your route. If you see a fellow rider ahead of you that you are catching up to, it's best to make yourself known a bit ahead of time.

© GCN

Riding up and then loudly announcing yourself at the last second is probably not the best way to say hello

We’ve all been there, riding along in a world of our own, not a care in the world, to then be stealth attacked with someone screaming past and just as they get to your hip, they shout ‘hello!’. No one wants to have a heart attack out on a ride, so maybe giving riders a heads up will prevent this from happening.

Cafe refusal

Cafe culture is as deeply embedded in the fabric of cycling as lycra shorts and hairless legs. Part of the joy of heading out on a Sunday ride is knowing that at some point you will be getting your hands on a cup of coffee and some delicious baked treat. It’s normal to spark up discussions of where on the ride you are going to stop as you make your way through the route, and we all dread the day that the other rider informs you that they don’t participate in cafe stops and intend to ride straight through.

If this happens to you, it can be heartbreaking and come close to ruining the whole ride. If you're feeling sneaky, your best bet might to fake a puncture as you get just by the cafe and make the suggestion that you ‘repair’ it there. Don’t worry, your secret will be safe with us.

Coffee refusal

© GCN

This is the stuff of nightmares, stopping for a coffee only to find out that it is off the menu

The fuel of a good ride out has to be a good cup of coffee, have it however you like, but no ride would be complete without stopping somewhere mid-ride to sit and admire your bike with a coffee and a cake in hand. If you want to bring tears to the eyes of a cyclist, telling them that you don’t serve coffee or that the machine is either not working or has been turned off for the day is the way to go about it.

The negative weather reporter

In all honesty, this one is on us and it's a bit of a weird psychological one, but just as someone is getting ready to head out for a ride, coming over to tell them that it is pouring down outside or that the weather is horrible will flip the switch for a lot of us riders. Discovering that the weather is far from ideal when you open the door gives you no time to lose your motivation or consider not heading out. Telling someone the weather report will have them second guessing their decisions all the way to the door, if the even make it that far at all.

Bonus feared phrases

The doping conversation

No one needs to be reminded that professional cycling has a bit of rocky history with performance-enhancing drug use. We all know about it and don’t pretend like cycling hasn’t had its rough times, but bringing up this topic of conversation can alienate some riders immediately. The last thing any keen cyclist wants to have to do is spend all their time defending the sport they love - there's a time and place for this conversation.

Making comments about car ownership

From racers to commuters, the last thing a keen cyclist wants to be told is that they should just drive a car instead. If there is one thing that is so frequently said that is so out of touch with the reality of cycling, it's telling cyclists that they should get a car. Most cyclist actually do own or have access to a car but actively choose to ride our bikes. Whether that be for fun or for environmental reasons, riding bikes is good for the planet, and having to sit behind a cyclist for a few minutes out of your day isn’t the end of the world.

Are there any that really get under your skin that you think we missed? Let us know in the comments section, and why not check out our types of riders we all know story if you liked this one.